No Thanksgiving for Me - Why?

My husband always works on Thanksgiving. And I have learned to live with it. My mom always cooks and comes by. We used to split our time between my husband's house and mine until his mother passed away a few months before we got married. So me and mom have fun here and eat and watch football.

This year, hubby worked. Mom brought me Jenny Craig dinner (it was not great! But I appreciate the thought). She is tired. I understand. I have to start learning how to do the turkey. Hubby and I are going to try before next year. After 13 years of me being sick, for Christmas, we finally had Christmas dinner at our house last year and we will again this year. There are not many people left on either side of the family so it is a big deal when we can all get together.

So this year, I just slept on Thanksgiving. My hubby woke me up before work.I went downstairs watched the Green Bay game. Then I could not keep my eyes open. Of course you all know I love the Steelers so I set the alarm for 8pmEST of. :) I wound up waking up at 7p which worked out perfect. I Fed the dog, fed me and before I knew it it was 8:30 and than in the blink of an eye the game was over. Than I realized I missed having someone around.

Mom had laundry and wanted to help me decorate and clean but I was not up to it. I asked her if she wanted to watch the game still she said it was to late. (She hates driving in the dark, the rain, and the snow). I could not be happier to see my husband walk in the door at around 10pm and I realized I did this to myself. I should have just had mom come over. But then there is that part of me that does not like people, even family being around when I do not feel well.

Tonight my husband has his friends over to play poker. I would have played because we all have such a good time, but I don't feel well. My husband has the nicest friends. I have known these guys 20 years. It is nice to hear voices as they drift upstairs into the bedroom and to hear Christmas music coming from downstairs also.

I guess my point is if I feel bad, sometimes it is brought on myself. I am a social creature. But I also have bad anxiety (great mixture huh?) So I know this whole month I want to focus on having company come by, eating right and exercising so I do feel bad and can enjoy all the holidays and Thanksgiving next year.

Why Can't I Be Normal

I always thought I was normal. I look normal. But I am not.

No one that is normal feels the way I do. The pain that I am in is ridiculous.

No one sleeps for 20 hours a day.

Unless you have the medical problems I have.

But I chug along well for a long period of time and lull myself into a false sense of security. And normalcy. Then it all comes crashing down.

I was happily decorating for Christmas, for my husband to be off for five weeks starting this Friday, then BAM! Four days ago I am sleeping round the clock and can barely move.

Why?

What did I do?

I know I didn't do anything. And that is the worst part.

If I was a bad person, I may be able to ration it away and say "You deserve what you got". But I am a good person. Too good a person.

I keep telling myself God is going to show me my purpose. I thought it was this blog. Or my blog about my dog, or my blog about books. But how is it supposed to be that when I am too sick to write?

We are not supposed to question I know. But I want to know. And maybe someday I will....

Why?

THURSDAY'S QUOTE

Hope is like the sun, which as we walk toward it, casts a shadow of our burdens behind us.

Thomas Kinkade

Why Is There Violence Against Women?

It sickens me every time I hear about it.

Yet it continues to happen.

I entered a book contest and got a letter back from a lovely women who sent me to this site

http://www.shahla-khan.com/

She has a book called "I Want Back My Sparkle!: Breaking the Global Chains of Gender Slavery" and here is a peek:

A whopping 85,000 women are raped in England and Wales every year, according to the Office of National Statistics, ONS, 2013. The numbers in South Asian countries, India being on top are outrageously alarming. Are we in a position to just sit and wonder why and do nothing about it? According to Shahla Khan, the author of I Want Back My SPARKLE, the answer is NO, we need to take control and it is a deficiency in our passion to end sexual violence which is why the statistics are ever increasing. For several years, across the globe, women and crimes against women were the last items on the list for economists and policy makers to be fixed. In the last 20 years, the scenario has changed drastically with regards to the research and implementation of Laws. For example, the recognition of rape in marriage as a crime in the UK, in 1985. Despite, these rational Laws and support centers, rape, domestic violence and stalking are still blooming. "It is all about knowledge. In western countries, the main factor responsible for these crimes is manipulation, while in South Asian communities, culture is the culprit," says Shahla. In her book, she has transformed complex research related information from Law, Forensic science, Psychology and Gender Studies into simple, yet useful information. The book basically opens up the horizon of knowledge for men and women to understand the strategy of manipulation and the lame excuse of culture, propelling these crimes. Shahla reports that another major cause of these crimes blooming is the myths around them. Most people believe in the myths, rather than the facts around these crimes. Women today, even though educated, are confused in this fantasy world of their prince charming dream and their willingness to stoop down to every level to make that fantasy true. This shuts their logic button to spot manipulation from strange and also known men, who play them just for fun. On the other hand in South Asian communities, society puts extreme premium on women who sacrifice their lives to run a home and the ultimate destination of every "good" woman according to the cultural and religious customs is the kitchen sink or the laundry room at most. Shahlas book comes from her excellent cultural insights from her life in Saudi Arabia, India, Switzerland and the UK. In, I Want Back My SPARKLE, the readers will learn how to: 1. Determine if they or someone they know is a victim. 2. End victimization and step out of an abusive relationship. 3. Avoid false claims of sexual harassment from men or women. 4. Create a wave of change in their home, community, at workplace and in the global scenario. 5. Be prepared to handle themselves in crisis. 6. Claim back their Status of respect Power of speech Access to freedom Right to happiness Knowledge and education Love not lust Existence as an equal!(less)

Please go to her site and purchase her book. I think she has more information there about November 25 - International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against Women.

But for now, look it up, think about it. I myself have been a victim of violence (before I was married) and that is very hard to say but now I have found out my attacker died recently. It was a fluke how, actually my husband found out. I am a good person and do not anyone to die, but I cannot say that a great weight was not lifted off of my shoulders when I found out I no longer had to look over my shoulders.

I hope all women will one day not have to ask why they are being abused. I hope the violence ends and the healing begins.

COME AND FIND ME!!!

Okay, I may be a crazy person, but I am linked in. I had to be lol!

If anyone is on the following, let me know if you want to link up. I have found some of you but figured I better let everyone know where to find me:

Blogspot.com main one is http://Mismatchedbookends.Blogspot.com

I have two others if you want the address.

Goodreads.com https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/24198043-mollydee

Twitter.com .https://twitter.com/Mollydee55

Facebook.com https://www.facebook.com/missydee55

Tumblr,com http://mollydeeadultswim.tumblr.com/

Google and Google plus - google.com/+MelissaMollydeeGrabowski

Utube - Melissa “Mollydee” Grabowski

And a few other places like Bloglovin, Parajunkee, Wordpress and Elfster. Again just ask!!!

This is totally me, sitting on the sofa or bed, legs crossed, in my jeans, with my laptop on my lap, long brown hair, and smiling even when it hurts to :)

Why Watch Reality TV?

I believe in Reality TV..to an extent.

My husband points out all of the bunk. Which ruins my day. :(

So we have America's Next Top Model. A lot of which is staged I am sure. But I love it. It is funny and entertaining. It is my guilty pleasure.

However, The Steve Wilkos Show is one of my favorites. He is hitting his 1,000 show on Friday. Have I been watching that long? Why?

I know exactly why. Because Steve was a Police Officer. My husband is in Law Enforcement. Their thinking is very similar. It is an interesting phenomenon. It is like when we go to a picnic with all the guys from my husband's job. They stand all day at work then come to a BBQ and they stand in the 100 degree weather while the wives sit and compare stories. And they stand the way they do in their uniforms. Straight up, feet at a certain distance, arms folded. They look like a flock of geese. They are all the same for the most part. Good guys, rough rough jobs. And us wives are very much the same also.

Steve Wilkos stands up for those that cannot stand up for themselves. And gives a voice to those who do not have one.

I love Steve a bunch.

I like to see the bad guys go down.

Steve is a human lie detector. Just like my husband.

I am often kicked in the teeth because I am too nice. I believe in the inherent goodness of people. So to see the bad guy go down gives me a sense of satisfaction.

I love the show updates where the people that were abused have got some sense of normalcy back and have got their lives back together.

I had some satisfaction myself earlier this year.

A bad person did something bad to me and I felt like I had to look over my shoulders since I was 19 years old.

My husband saw his friends (by a total coincidence that they my husband friend knew a friend of the bad person) saying how upset they were on Facebook that he passed away.

As a Catholic, I am not happy someone died.

As a woman who was injured, with no apology, who had to always wonder where "he" was, a big part of me was relieved. It is burned in my memory the time and day my husband called me down and said "Look at this" and showed me the computer screen". I was in shock. But a sense of relief washed over me. This man lead a bad life to begin with. I think death was a way out for him too. I do not know how he died, but I hope he is at peace. And I am not being two faced. I am good at heart and whoever hurts me, I only hope they turn themselves around or make up for their mistakes somehow. I never wish bad on anyone. No matter how bad they hurt me. Or if they steal from me. Or if they talk about me in a hurtful way. I pray for them and hope that they will be healed and be a good person. I believe in Karma. So I have no worries.

So back to Steve. I think he is a one in a million guy. I think his wife and children are lucky. I think he is doing a good thing. The fact that he does not let people go crazy on his stage (like on Jerry Springer, and I love him too! But for different reasons) lends more credibility to his show and what he does.

If you have not seen The Steve Wilkos Show, watch it with caution. There is a lot about child abuse, rape, violence, things you do not want to think about but you have to. This is what goes on in our world. Give the show a chance. Let me know what you think. I am sure people have strong opinions about this.

And my last message is, Do Onto Others As You Would Have Done Onto You.

Why Today?

I hope you all had a good day.

I missed all of you today.

I was so happy at 3:30 am when I did my last post here about the books I won. And happy to see those beautiful necklaces that were posted by my friend. Book necklaces how cool.

I wanted to keep going, but I knew the laptop needed a break. I also had not felt well, on the verge of a migraine all day.

I just woke up.At 5pm.

Good thing my husband has enough sense to know when I am sick and did not wake me up before he left for work.

why today?

I had plans. Big plans.

I went to bed early and shut off the laptop COMPLETELY so I could just not pick it up to "check" anything.

Like I said last I checked it was 3:30am. I won two books! I posted about it. I went to sleep happy.

I woke up in the dark.

I thought I had only slept an hour and it was still dark out.

As I turned to look to the left where my alarm clock is, I see that it is 5:05. PM!!!

I have a migraine.

I need to read and I need to blog.

I really need to get the house in order for the poker game on Saturday.

And I need to get the rest of the Christmas decorations up.

If I read, my migraine will get worse. If I blog, the glare of the screen will make my migraine worse.

I take my medication. And pray.

I should close my eyes but when you do not work, you blog and people read and at least you feel like you got something done.

I am having coffee. I do not drink a lot of caffeine so maybe that will help.

I see I have 12 messages on Booklikes. I have way more on Goodreads. Lord only knows what AOL has waiting for me. I am going to look.

I love my little family here. I love all of you who read my blog. I hate missing a day because I feel like I have let you down.

I know I am no great American novel writer or even the best blogger, but from feedback I have received from various sources, I am doing a good job. And I want to keep doing it.

I like to connect with people. I always did and always will.

I would like, for those of you who know and believe in me, I pray for you, and those of you who do not know, to please go to this link and read it. It explains about how a migraine feels. I nailed it. I worked hard on it. This is from about a week or two ago. I can recall pain like it is happening right now. Any pain in my life.

http://nino5555.blogspot.com/2013/11/migraine.html

Also, I am entering a short story contest. It is a great story but too long. I need 500 words max. Please, and I hate HATE to ask people for things I like to be the person doing for others (Why I became an RN!) but say a little prayer help. I need to get the story length and let it still be scary. If not maybe I need to find another contest. Or another idea.

HUGS TO YOU ALL! HAPPY READING! Read a page or two of a book today for me :) Or do something fun, or watch a good show. Just think of me. I believe in positive energy and white light.