Violence Again Women

I got a lot of views on my post for violence against women. It is horrible, how many animal cruelty commercials do we see? Why are the ad agencies not putting this money into showing the abuse and violence of women?

I told you I was on the receiving end of violence a few times but I wanted women to talk to me if they needed to. Not my current husband, but ex-boyfriends hit me once. ONCE. But like my mom said "He lays his hands on you once, and that is it". Did you know a husband can rape his wife? If the wife says no, it is considered rape. They mention that in their article.

I knew one author mentioned something on the 25th of November. I meant to look into it more and I found some answers.

I could not copy and paste the whole article but please read it here: (I am so sorry, I could not make this clickable. Please copy and paste it.)

http://www.forextv.com/forex-news-story/help-stop-violence-against-women-and-girls-united-nations-16-days-of-peace-unite

Here is an excerpt:

United Nations (UN) Women has started their 16 days of Activism to end violence against women and girls, from Nov 25 – Dec 10. We should accept nothing less than zero tolerance. Wear orange to end violence against women and girls. 1 in 3 women and girls will experience violence in their lifetime.

In 2008 UN Chief started his UNiTE to End Violence against Women campaign. UN Women, Say No – UniTE, launched in 2009, showcases the advocacy efforts and engages people from across the world, from all walks of life, online and on the ground.

[UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon is calling on people to wear the colour orange to mark the International Day to End Violence against Women on 25 November. It's also a chance to recommit to preventing and halting all forms of violence against women and girls, he noted. Mr. Ban is asking people to make a special effort and advocate for the cause for the next sixteen days, between 25 November and 10 December, Human Rights Day.]

I have to find them but there are many books out recounting tales of domestic horror by abuse. I am the type of the person that would pick up the phone first if I ever saw anything.

I want to volunteer where I can, donate, and participate. I want to do some more research but take a look here. I mean, all those dog commercials? I love dogs and animals but why are there a million of them on and nothing about preventing cruelty against women. I know I said this alread but really? Is a woman less important then a dog!? We need to bring this to the light. I hope you enjoy the article. Please share in the comments of if you need to talk privately, email me at Chocolatemint515@aol.com.

I will get more information for you. Let us try to do something here. Organize events in our town. Do a walk like they do for breast cancer. Anything. Please think about how lucky you are if you never had a man lay his hand on you. And if you are a on the receiving end of violence, I suggest you go to your local police station.

No Thanksgiving for Me - Why?

My husband always works on Thanksgiving. And I have learned to live with it. My mom always cooks and comes by. We used to split our time between my husband's house and mine until his mother passed away a few months before we got married. So me and mom have fun here and eat and watch football.

This year, hubby worked. Mom brought me Jenny Craig dinner (it was not great! But I appreciate the thought). She is tired. I understand. I have to start learning how to do the turkey. Hubby and I are going to try before next year. After 13 years of me being sick, for Christmas, we finally had Christmas dinner at our house last year and we will again this year. There are not many people left on either side of the family so it is a big deal when we can all get together.

So this year, I just slept on Thanksgiving. My hubby woke me up before work.I went downstairs watched the Green Bay game. Then I could not keep my eyes open. Of course you all know I love the Steelers so I set the alarm for 8pmEST of. :) I wound up waking up at 7p which worked out perfect. I Fed the dog, fed me and before I knew it it was 8:30 and than in the blink of an eye the game was over. Than I realized I missed having someone around.

Mom had laundry and wanted to help me decorate and clean but I was not up to it. I asked her if she wanted to watch the game still she said it was to late. (She hates driving in the dark, the rain, and the snow). I could not be happier to see my husband walk in the door at around 10pm and I realized I did this to myself. I should have just had mom come over. But then there is that part of me that does not like people, even family being around when I do not feel well.

Tonight my husband has his friends over to play poker. I would have played because we all have such a good time, but I don't feel well. My husband has the nicest friends. I have known these guys 20 years. It is nice to hear voices as they drift upstairs into the bedroom and to hear Christmas music coming from downstairs also.

I guess my point is if I feel bad, sometimes it is brought on myself. I am a social creature. But I also have bad anxiety (great mixture huh?) So I know this whole month I want to focus on having company come by, eating right and exercising so I do feel bad and can enjoy all the holidays and Thanksgiving next year.

Why Can't I Be Normal

I always thought I was normal. I look normal. But I am not.

No one that is normal feels the way I do. The pain that I am in is ridiculous.

No one sleeps for 20 hours a day.

Unless you have the medical problems I have.

But I chug along well for a long period of time and lull myself into a false sense of security. And normalcy. Then it all comes crashing down.

I was happily decorating for Christmas, for my husband to be off for five weeks starting this Friday, then BAM! Four days ago I am sleeping round the clock and can barely move.

Why?

What did I do?

I know I didn't do anything. And that is the worst part.

If I was a bad person, I may be able to ration it away and say "You deserve what you got". But I am a good person. Too good a person.

I keep telling myself God is going to show me my purpose. I thought it was this blog. Or my blog about my dog, or my blog about books. But how is it supposed to be that when I am too sick to write?

We are not supposed to question I know. But I want to know. And maybe someday I will....

Why?

THURSDAY'S QUOTE

Hope is like the sun, which as we walk toward it, casts a shadow of our burdens behind us.

Thomas Kinkade

Why Is There Violence Against Women?

It sickens me every time I hear about it.

Yet it continues to happen.

I entered a book contest and got a letter back from a lovely women who sent me to this site

http://www.shahla-khan.com/

She has a book called "I Want Back My Sparkle!: Breaking the Global Chains of Gender Slavery" and here is a peek:

A whopping 85,000 women are raped in England and Wales every year, according to the Office of National Statistics, ONS, 2013. The numbers in South Asian countries, India being on top are outrageously alarming. Are we in a position to just sit and wonder why and do nothing about it? According to Shahla Khan, the author of I Want Back My SPARKLE, the answer is NO, we need to take control and it is a deficiency in our passion to end sexual violence which is why the statistics are ever increasing. For several years, across the globe, women and crimes against women were the last items on the list for economists and policy makers to be fixed. In the last 20 years, the scenario has changed drastically with regards to the research and implementation of Laws. For example, the recognition of rape in marriage as a crime in the UK, in 1985. Despite, these rational Laws and support centers, rape, domestic violence and stalking are still blooming. "It is all about knowledge. In western countries, the main factor responsible for these crimes is manipulation, while in South Asian communities, culture is the culprit," says Shahla. In her book, she has transformed complex research related information from Law, Forensic science, Psychology and Gender Studies into simple, yet useful information. The book basically opens up the horizon of knowledge for men and women to understand the strategy of manipulation and the lame excuse of culture, propelling these crimes. Shahla reports that another major cause of these crimes blooming is the myths around them. Most people believe in the myths, rather than the facts around these crimes. Women today, even though educated, are confused in this fantasy world of their prince charming dream and their willingness to stoop down to every level to make that fantasy true. This shuts their logic button to spot manipulation from strange and also known men, who play them just for fun. On the other hand in South Asian communities, society puts extreme premium on women who sacrifice their lives to run a home and the ultimate destination of every "good" woman according to the cultural and religious customs is the kitchen sink or the laundry room at most. Shahlas book comes from her excellent cultural insights from her life in Saudi Arabia, India, Switzerland and the UK. In, I Want Back My SPARKLE, the readers will learn how to: 1. Determine if they or someone they know is a victim. 2. End victimization and step out of an abusive relationship. 3. Avoid false claims of sexual harassment from men or women. 4. Create a wave of change in their home, community, at workplace and in the global scenario. 5. Be prepared to handle themselves in crisis. 6. Claim back their Status of respect Power of speech Access to freedom Right to happiness Knowledge and education Love not lust Existence as an equal!(less)

Please go to her site and purchase her book. I think she has more information there about November 25 - International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against Women.

But for now, look it up, think about it. I myself have been a victim of violence (before I was married) and that is very hard to say but now I have found out my attacker died recently. It was a fluke how, actually my husband found out. I am a good person and do not anyone to die, but I cannot say that a great weight was not lifted off of my shoulders when I found out I no longer had to look over my shoulders.

I hope all women will one day not have to ask why they are being abused. I hope the violence ends and the healing begins.

COME AND FIND ME!!!

Okay, I may be a crazy person, but I am linked in. I had to be lol!

If anyone is on the following, let me know if you want to link up. I have found some of you but figured I better let everyone know where to find me:

Blogspot.com main one is http://Mismatchedbookends.Blogspot.com

I have two others if you want the address.

Goodreads.com https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/24198043-mollydee

Twitter.com .https://twitter.com/Mollydee55

Facebook.com https://www.facebook.com/missydee55

Tumblr,com http://mollydeeadultswim.tumblr.com/

Google and Google plus - google.com/+MelissaMollydeeGrabowski

Utube - Melissa “Mollydee” Grabowski

And a few other places like Bloglovin, Parajunkee, Wordpress and Elfster. Again just ask!!!

This is totally me, sitting on the sofa or bed, legs crossed, in my jeans, with my laptop on my lap, long brown hair, and smiling even when it hurts to :)

Why Watch Reality TV?

I believe in Reality TV..to an extent.

My husband points out all of the bunk. Which ruins my day. :(

So we have America's Next Top Model. A lot of which is staged I am sure. But I love it. It is funny and entertaining. It is my guilty pleasure.

However, The Steve Wilkos Show is one of my favorites. He is hitting his 1,000 show on Friday. Have I been watching that long? Why?

I know exactly why. Because Steve was a Police Officer. My husband is in Law Enforcement. Their thinking is very similar. It is an interesting phenomenon. It is like when we go to a picnic with all the guys from my husband's job. They stand all day at work then come to a BBQ and they stand in the 100 degree weather while the wives sit and compare stories. And they stand the way they do in their uniforms. Straight up, feet at a certain distance, arms folded. They look like a flock of geese. They are all the same for the most part. Good guys, rough rough jobs. And us wives are very much the same also.

Steve Wilkos stands up for those that cannot stand up for themselves. And gives a voice to those who do not have one.

I love Steve a bunch.

I like to see the bad guys go down.

Steve is a human lie detector. Just like my husband.

I am often kicked in the teeth because I am too nice. I believe in the inherent goodness of people. So to see the bad guy go down gives me a sense of satisfaction.

I love the show updates where the people that were abused have got some sense of normalcy back and have got their lives back together.

I had some satisfaction myself earlier this year.

A bad person did something bad to me and I felt like I had to look over my shoulders since I was 19 years old.

My husband saw his friends (by a total coincidence that they my husband friend knew a friend of the bad person) saying how upset they were on Facebook that he passed away.

As a Catholic, I am not happy someone died.

As a woman who was injured, with no apology, who had to always wonder where "he" was, a big part of me was relieved. It is burned in my memory the time and day my husband called me down and said "Look at this" and showed me the computer screen". I was in shock. But a sense of relief washed over me. This man lead a bad life to begin with. I think death was a way out for him too. I do not know how he died, but I hope he is at peace. And I am not being two faced. I am good at heart and whoever hurts me, I only hope they turn themselves around or make up for their mistakes somehow. I never wish bad on anyone. No matter how bad they hurt me. Or if they steal from me. Or if they talk about me in a hurtful way. I pray for them and hope that they will be healed and be a good person. I believe in Karma. So I have no worries.

So back to Steve. I think he is a one in a million guy. I think his wife and children are lucky. I think he is doing a good thing. The fact that he does not let people go crazy on his stage (like on Jerry Springer, and I love him too! But for different reasons) lends more credibility to his show and what he does.

If you have not seen The Steve Wilkos Show, watch it with caution. There is a lot about child abuse, rape, violence, things you do not want to think about but you have to. This is what goes on in our world. Give the show a chance. Let me know what you think. I am sure people have strong opinions about this.

And my last message is, Do Onto Others As You Would Have Done Onto You.

Why Today?

I hope you all had a good day.

I missed all of you today.

I was so happy at 3:30 am when I did my last post here about the books I won. And happy to see those beautiful necklaces that were posted by my friend. Book necklaces how cool.

I wanted to keep going, but I knew the laptop needed a break. I also had not felt well, on the verge of a migraine all day.

I just woke up.At 5pm.

Good thing my husband has enough sense to know when I am sick and did not wake me up before he left for work.

why today?

I had plans. Big plans.

I went to bed early and shut off the laptop COMPLETELY so I could just not pick it up to "check" anything.

Like I said last I checked it was 3:30am. I won two books! I posted about it. I went to sleep happy.

I woke up in the dark.

I thought I had only slept an hour and it was still dark out.

As I turned to look to the left where my alarm clock is, I see that it is 5:05. PM!!!

I have a migraine.

I need to read and I need to blog.

I really need to get the house in order for the poker game on Saturday.

And I need to get the rest of the Christmas decorations up.

If I read, my migraine will get worse. If I blog, the glare of the screen will make my migraine worse.

I take my medication. And pray.

I should close my eyes but when you do not work, you blog and people read and at least you feel like you got something done.

I am having coffee. I do not drink a lot of caffeine so maybe that will help.

I see I have 12 messages on Booklikes. I have way more on Goodreads. Lord only knows what AOL has waiting for me. I am going to look.

I love my little family here. I love all of you who read my blog. I hate missing a day because I feel like I have let you down.

I know I am no great American novel writer or even the best blogger, but from feedback I have received from various sources, I am doing a good job. And I want to keep doing it.

I like to connect with people. I always did and always will.

I would like, for those of you who know and believe in me, I pray for you, and those of you who do not know, to please go to this link and read it. It explains about how a migraine feels. I nailed it. I worked hard on it. This is from about a week or two ago. I can recall pain like it is happening right now. Any pain in my life.

http://nino5555.blogspot.com/2013/11/migraine.html

Also, I am entering a short story contest. It is a great story but too long. I need 500 words max. Please, and I hate HATE to ask people for things I like to be the person doing for others (Why I became an RN!) but say a little prayer help. I need to get the story length and let it still be scary. If not maybe I need to find another contest. Or another idea.

HUGS TO YOU ALL! HAPPY READING! Read a page or two of a book today for me :) Or do something fun, or watch a good show. Just think of me. I believe in positive energy and white light.

TUESDAY'S QUOTE

"One Spoon or Two?"

After ten years of marriage to Fay's brother, would it be too much to expect her to know what I liked?

"Black, no sugar thanks, and I'd prefer a tea bag," I said, "If you have one".

I choose this because it shows how we do not listen to people we know and love. In this short story, after ten years, this family member still did not know how her brother's wife liked her tea. It made me wonder how many times my husband had to tell me something the same time over the past 13 years.

The Dentist

This is what I think of a trip to the Dentist:

(Sung by Steve Martin in "The Little Shop of Horrors" movie remake)

[ORIN]
When I was younger, just a bad little kid,
My mama noticed funny things I did,
Like shootin' puppies with a B B gun
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done
I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head
That's when my mama said

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
What did she say?

[ORIN]
She said, "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay
You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for causin' things pain
Son, be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
Here he is, folks the leader of the plaque!
Watch him suck up that gas!
Oh, my god!
He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?

[PATIENT]
Oh that hurts! I'm not numb!

[ORIN]
Oh, shut up. Open wide. here I come!
I am your dentist

[PATIENT]
Goodness gracious!

[ORIN]
And I enjoy the career that I picked

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
Really love it

[ORIN]
I am your dentist

[PATIENT]
Fitting braces

[ORIN]
And I get off on the pain I inflict

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
Really love it

[ORIN]
I thrill when I drill a bicuspid

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
Bicuspid

[ORIN]
It's swell though they tell me I'm maladjusted
And though it may cause my patients distress,
Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me
I know, I know, that my mama's proud of me
Oh, mama
'Cause I'm a dentist and a success
Say ah!

[PATIENT]
Ah!

[ORIN]
Say ah!

[PATIENT]
Ah!

[ORIN]
Say ah!

[PATIENT]
Ah!

[ORIN]
Now spit!

I loved both versions of the Dentist in each movie. If you are not familiar, rent this one, and also rent the original where Jack Nickelson plays the Dentist. Good stuff.

So, I cannot get too crazy here because my dentist just happens to be my Sister-In-Law's boss. Plus he is a very nice man.

But NOT THIS WEEK!

(I went on a Red Day apparently)

I had four bottom front teeth that needed caps. Now, being ill as I have been most of my life, with painful conditions, I have a high tolerance for pain. BUT THIS EXCLUDES THE DENTIST!

Why is everything painful thing magnified a hundred times?

To tell you the truth, I do not even mind the needle to numb up my gums. I get the pre-needle stuff on a cotton swab, then the needle. But those front teeth? Too tiny and very sensitive.

(yes seriously that tiny or darn close to it)

As we started, my temporary crowns had been on so long I pulled the first one out myself. Then my dentist, let us call him Dr. D., pulled the rest off with that clamp that I would like to take and twist his nose around with it and see if that feels good!

But here is the kicker. I did not get numbed up right away because, all of those teeth on the bottom, all four, had root canals. So you are not supposed to feel anything. Root canal means the root is gone. The root of all evil. But it does not work that way. Your gums are still there.

If you are wondering why my teeth are so bad, you can thank the years of doctors who put me on medication and never explained what it does to your teeth. Common among doctors. Always ask your doctor what your wonderful new medication can potentially do to your teeth down the road.

So Dr. D. was pulling crowns off posts (ouch!) and picking around with that sharp edged metal thing. (OUCH!!). Not to mention, I have hair almost all the way down my back so, you would think I would remember to put it up in a ponytail when it is time to go to the dentist, but no. So there is Dr. D., and he can't just stop working and he is pulling my hair out on top of the other pain.

Each tooth took forever. And I mean forever. During which time Dr. D. asked his not regular assistant why mixing cement was taking so long. I giggled to myself. Not at the girl but yes, how hard is is to mix cement? I think I can do it!

Then they lost one of my teeth because it was so tiny. I have been cursed since birth with a boom box for a voice but a tiny mouth and tiny teeth.

(I don't mean to but my regular voice comes out exactly as the picture above. And that is my husband getting the brunt of it, my NORMAL voice)

Then neither the Dr. nor the assistant could figure out which of the four teeth went where. We had a couple of hits and misses there.

But the worst part? WATER ON MY FACE! This is why I stopped wearing makeup to the dentist. But just in general, you are sitting there, water is dripping down your face and you cannot touch it. It is torture.

(she is not having fun and neither was I)

And speaking of torture, because they were my front teeth, the Dr. pulled my bottom lip out like he was pulling out a metal slot to put in quarters to get stickers from those old machines. They still have them at Chicken Galore. Also, I do not think he realizes if he knew he was squeezing my lip so hard while pulling it almost out as far as it could go.

(like this but pulled further and pinched tighter)

And to add to it, from the bottom, his whole four fingers were DIGGING into my lower jaw.

Then there was putting teeth in, taking them out. And repeat. And repeat again. Where did the post go? Why is it taking so long to mix the cement? Sit like this and don't move (really? I think that is implied). Then I see blood all over his glove. I am an RN. I can handle anything but vomit. Blood is fine but not from my mouth. My body no problem, not my mouth. It sends my already anxiety ridden self into a state of wondering where all of that blood came from and how they intend to put it back.

(That is definitely not all mine!)

So my appointment was for 11am. Granted we got there about 10 minutes late (I needed my book). But we left about 12:15pm/12:30pm.

My husband is allowed to come back and be annoying because his sister works there, since she was 16. Dr. D. told my husband that if I was cranky the rest of the day, he was giving me a pass to be because of all the work that was done. My husband laughed. I did not.

You never know when something simple at the dentist will turn into a disaster. And it is for this reason I have had major panic attacks before dentist appointments. Cancelled them more times than I could count. Cursed out the Dr. in my head. Tried telepathy so the Dr. would know how much pain I was in.

It is not really pain (until the novocaine wears off) but the pressure that hurts. The picking with metallic instruments is a sound that goes right up my spine to where my head feels like it is going to explode. And do not get me started on the drill.

Inside my mind I am screaming "AREN'T YOU DONE YET!?" No one hears.

And my husband laughs as we get coffee and it dribbles down my chin.

My teeth, which could have been from an endangered species they were so bad, now look perfect....on the bottom. The top is not as bad and for another time.

I will NEVER like the dentist. If I was rich and famous I would have them knock me out for any dental procedure. STONE...COLD...OUT.

I still remember when they gave you nitrous. Wow! that was fun stuff! What happened to that?

By the way I hate the teeth cleaning too. I pretty much have a steady stream of dialogue in my head very similar to the one I have going on while the dentist is working on me.

The nights I have iced cream or some other sweet snack and fell asleep without brushing my teeth and wake up 9 hours later, I curse. Because even these are nice crowns or caps or whatever, they will eventually develop plaque so you have to take good care of them as if they were real teeth.

So I am happy right now. Until my next Dentist appointment.

Oh yeah! And did I get a lollypop? Did my mom take me to McDonald's for being good? No. I got a coupon for Listerine and a travel size toothpaste. Just what I always wanted.

Thursday's Quote

"“A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Tuesday's Quote

The pen is mightier than the sword, but a well-aimed type-writer packs a good punch, too.

Jennifer Niven from "The Aqua Net Diaries"

(I used to have one of these, an even older model, that I used for typing my school papers. I miss it. ahhh..nostalgia)

Monday's (late) Quote

Who cares for Algebra?
Who delights in solving math?
I only want to live my life
Along the creative path.

-Jennifer Niven from "The Aqua Net Diaries"

Why It Cannot Be Done

This task may not get done.

This task cannot get done.

Each of the above statements has a completely different meaning. The first one tells us action is required by someone to get a task done. It is not all alone taking the blame. The second statement is more definitive. The task, no matter what, cannot be done, by the best of the best.

The task I am talking about somehow falls in between those two statements.

How do I know? I just do.

It will not get done lack of trying.

I am playing by someone else's rules. And I do not like to do that. But I am trying my best. Or am I?

I furiously work out this problem. My husband interrupts. The usual happens.

"What?" I say like a brat.

He either a. sighs loudly and leaves, b. stomps off, c. gets mad and says something and stomps off, d. decides to engage me read argue.

Mostly I know I am cranky and wrong and I apologize, hoping and praying the initial nastiness with which I said the one word "what", would wear off and that my apology will mean something. Because he does not deserve it and I should have more respect for him.

He says he understands my project, but says real life is going on all around us so it is time to stop working on the task at hand for me. He has been with me for 20 years? We met in 1993. In 1999 real was no longer a concept. And normal was for other people. Real life may be going on but not around here.

He says he knows what I am doing is important. And he is happy. Then why won't he let me be?!

The confrontations are getting worse and it is going to get bad one day.

But I believe in positive thinking and energy. If I believe this can be done, and think nothing but positive thoughts, it will get done. And it will rock! It will change many things for me and for my family. But I cannot burn the fuse at both ends, which has been happening also. So my husband is concerned about my lack of sleep.

We all face things that we believe cannot get done. But is it the things fault, or is it our fault?

A Deviation in Plans

I do not like any deviation from my plans.

Where do I start?

I like to think I am spontaneous, but truth be known, I have to know what is going on. It throws me into a great state of anxiety when I do no know what is going on.

Friday, while at acupuncture, while I was nice and relaxed, a short story came to me. Since this was not a forced idea like the ones on my list, and it was a genuine spark of "That's IT!", I was in a rush to get home to start working on it.

My husband, while I was at acupuncture, had some errands to run of which he had 45 minutes to do them in. Plenty of time. I got in the car after acupuncture and I saw no bags. "What happened?" I asked him. He said he did this errand and that errand than one of his friends called and he pulled over to talk.

Goodbye nice relaxing state from acupuncture.

So now, in deviation from the plan of going home and relaxing, we now had to go to Shop Rite. I only needed a notebook, some hair mousse, and some manila folders. "Why aren't we going to CVS?" I asked my husband. He said because the Aspirin and Alleive that I needed was cheaper at Shop Rite.

"Oh yeah" I said, secretly furious that we had to go to big huge Shop Rite instead of tiny little CVS.

And of course, like most trips to get one thing, we thought of 10 other things to get.

He had the cart and I did not. So, with a notebook and some tape in hand, (which was moved to aisle 12! The nerve. It was always in aisle 2, close to the door) already angry that I had to trapse across all of Shop Rite, I noticed my Greek yogurt was on sale. My husband I knew was right behind me so I grabbed 10 for whatever sale price was that the yogurts were. As I balanced 10 yogurts precariously on top of the notebook, I was having problems. I did not even look at the new Holiday coffee creamers that were being put out yet.

So there I stood, fuming, in the dairy section of Shop Rite. I waited for what seemed like an eternity, and then I started walking with great quickness and fever, looking down aisles, with the yogurts about to fall at any second. Then I heard it.

"Where are you going?" I heard a voice call out from behind me.

I turn around. "To find you!" I say a little louder than necessary and throw the yogurt into the cart. Again, a little louder than necessary.

"Are we done?" I ask. He says yes. Then he counts my yogurts. In my fury, I forgot how to count and got 9 instead of the 10 for 10 deal. I told him to go grab anyone other one and lets go. The soothing effects of my acupuncture session weree long gone and the aggravation that would cause my later migraine setting in.

As we got up to the front, I forgot something this time. So I had to go all the way back to Aisle 12. And try to find something. Which they moved. I am livid at this point.

I grabbed the car keys from my husband after he opened the trunk and let him load the all of 5 bags we had. I sat in the front seat only thinking of the book I brought with me in case the acupuncturist was late. Plus the two books I grabbed from the mail, ones that I had won in a contest, to eager to wait until I got back home to open them at that later time.

We got home and I grabbed one grocery bag, and my books, and my water and held my hand out to my husband for they keys (another why is why he checks the mail first before letting me in the house. Because he thinks it is funny and it is really not. I think i may snap one day) and said that I just had my session and could not get the heavy bags. I opened the door, and started putting some things away, and went up the stairs to put my pajamas back on, hoping to relax and read and get my self settled down. More in a zen state of mind as my husband put the groceries away.

Then my husband announces he is off Saturday. I groan. He looks at me funny. That did not mean to be audible. "What is the problem?" he asks. I told him I had plans for the day. He told me his plans include 10 minutes of my time, (never happened-EVER) and he wanted to get up and get out the Christmas decorations. I told him he had to let me sleep or nothing would get done so do not wake me. Then he said he was not getting them out at 2pm. I shot back with the fact that it would not likely be 2pm, (I am a late sleeper) but why do they have to come out so early? He just needs me to grab the bins as he is in the crawlspace on his knees because you cannot just come in and out of there you need someone helping you as you shovel big boxes through the small barely there door. I told him I had a day planned out for myself already. I told him I always plan my day as if I had a job. And that I had things to do. We were both heated.

He comes up with a brilliant plan. "How about we take them out when I get home from work tonight (Friday)? Then you do not have to worry about getting up." How about you calm down Hurry Up Harry. Because there is nothing better I like to do at 10pm or more like 10:30pm at night than to take out very large tupperware containers from the crawlspace. That is my relaxing and reading or blogging time. Or maybe some cartoons on Adult Swim.

Now, I do not know who's side you are on, but I can tell you I know he knew he was off before the second he actually told me. Why he waits until the last minute I have no idea. I usually do not mind him having a long weekend, his normal days off being Sunday and Monday, but I like my me time. In less than month he will be home for 5 weeks straight. So I know I will get talked into all sorts of things that I will not be 100% enthusiastic about. Some good, some not so good. It is a thought that looms overhead everyday like a cloud that you are not sure if it is just passing through or you are actually going to get a downpour.

Why? Why does this happen every year? Decorating should be fun. And besides the arguing and flared tempers and remarks under our breath, we put Christmas music on and drown in what we have collected over the years. With barely even an inch of space for one extra decoration, we have to refer back to the pictures from last year. It may not be exact and we may decide to change things, but there is a pattern to follow. Again, why does this happen every year?

Because he is just like his father. Something pops into his head and he charges like a bull in a china shop. It gets done then or it does not get done at all. And it is not just the Christmas decorations. I will not start a list for time's sake.

He needs to settle down.

I need to bend a little. This I know. But so does he.

Either way, a deviation in plans is something I detest. I try to change my thinking but it is hard.

Saturday came and went with him taking Christmas decorations out of their containers and making a LOT of noise for 9am. I asked him for some coffee, and began reading on my Kindle for PC. MY PLANS. It was hard with the stomping around and banging and opening of rubbermaid lids. And the smaller and slightly less noisy boxes inside. But then there was beautiful silence.

The hours went like that. Silent. Deafening.

My husband came to me around 5:30ps, knowing I had not eaten since 10am. He asked me what I was up to and I grumbled a barely audible response.

I smelled him heating up something in the kitchen.

I did not care.

At 6:30pm I got some Greek yogurt. Blueberry my favorite. I ate it in the guest room which has become my little blogging office and reading room. I answered some mail. It was 8pm before I knew it. ( I had earmarked an hour for my plans).

I then asked a different why. Why I am so difficult at times? I always had a stubborn streak that only my family knows about. So I asked myself if my husband deserved to have me act this way and the answer was no. Why do I continue to? But why does he continue to do the things that irritate me? After 13 years of marriage, that is a why for the ages.

I came down at 9pm to help to start putting up decorations, which turned into some taking down of knick knacks that were up now, and dusting. And hanging decorations that could be hung, and other decorations that do not require dusting of anything. I worked for over an hour and did not realize it because I made sure I kept my temper in check and was quick to diffuse any potential words said between my husband and I that would ruin the good time we were having. We got some drawers cleaned out too. We threw a lot of things out. We made good use of our time.

Now later today, Sunday, the Giants game is on at 1p. That means we do noting but watch. It is our ritual. But that also means either at some ungodly hour when he pops up from bed he will begin to remove papers and things from surfaces and use Pledge, and use Windex on the windows more importantly in the front so the decorations show up nice, and those fumes will give me a migraine. No matter if he opens the windows or not. If it does not get done by him alone before 1pm, it will get done after the game. But I have a sneaking suspicion the fumes or some noise will wake me up. I suggested today that Sunday we continue our yearly ritual of playing Christmas music as we clean and decorate. We always start out with South Park Christmas. Twisted? You betcha! But then we move into soother, old time crooners and things are good. And we fall into having fun, finding decorations we thought we lost, talking about our tallest tree ever (8 feet, 2 inches - we have a cathedral ceiling), and when we are going to get our tree this year. we star making lists and checking them twice and get ready for the Christmas Specials. We have fun. And the house is beautiful as always. Something everywhere you look.

Why can't it always be like this?

Sunday Quote

“A person needs a basic trust of life and humanity in order to allow all this to happen, to believe more in human goodness than he or she fears its evil. This person has to trust that most people are good people—and also trust that this isn't an axe-murderer. Trust in one's own intuition as well as humanity’s character is also a must. Most of what is wrong with Earthfolks has to do with fear."

-Doug "Ten" Rose from the book "Fearless Puppy on American Road"

Just Pick Four!

I find it interesting that on my worst days, and fueled by anger usually or some other strong emotion, my best posts come out. I can even tell by the amount of views. People like to see raw emotion.

Well, my coffee post was a hit. I wanted it to be a fun Friday. Enough of the heavy stuff! Just for a day. There is a lot of good in my life. I am very blessed.

My coffee post was meant to be fun and so is the following:

http://www.bloglovin.com/frame?post=1818777015&group=0&frame_type=a&blog=4526&link=aHR0cDovL3d3dy5hYmVhdXRpZnVsbWVzcy5jb20vMjAxMy8xMC9mb3VyLXNpbXBsZS1nb2Fscy1iZWZvcmUtMjAxNC5odG1s&frame=1&click=0&user=4801371

This is from a favorite blog of mine on Bloglovin' called "A Beautiful Mess"

It is about a week old I apologize but there is time.

I want you to read it but the goal was to set four simple goals for yourself before 2014. And they are not allowed to be result oriented, so for example instead of "I will loose 10 pounds" it now becomes "I will eat more fresh vegetables". I ADORE this idea.

So I came up with my own list. It was a little tough :)

Four Simple Goals Before 2014:

1. I will eat more protein every day.
2. I will spend more time with my husband on his vacation.
3. I will stop making lists that never get done.
4. I will get up from a sitting position once and hour and stretch or walk, or choose something to loosen up my body and keep it from getting stiff.

Wow you were not sitting next to me but that was hard! And it took, well I will not tell you how long. And I am not sure that I did it correctly. I believe that, according to what I read, these goals are not result oriented, that they will enrich my life, and that they are positive.

Let me know what you think. Feel free to post your comments here about my goals as my friends. But definitely, since this was NOT my idea, go to the link provided to leave your comments and your goals!!!

Much luck and many blessings as 2013 starts to wind down.

Friday Fun! Why I Love Coffee.

Surely you must be asking yourself if this will be a deep and dark emotion probing post. The answer is no. I just want to share with you why I love coffee so much. The why will be explained.

When I was younger, my mother and grandmother were huge coffee drinkers. They encouraged me to try it, but after the famous mix-up of mom leaving her coffee cup, black no sugar, next to my yummy hot chocolate, I tasted the most vile thing ever and did not want to taste it ever again. That much was for certain.



Then I met my husband. His home was the "hangout" house among his friends so there was always food on the stove, snacks on the table, and a pot of coffee on the burner. Kind of like a 24 hour diner. And people came and went at all hours. So different compared to my quiet house. That is a whole other story. My husband just accepted the fact that I drank only tea. For years. Every once in a while he would ask me if I wanted to try some of his coffee I said no.


So after being married for about 6 or 7 years, and it trickled over that his unmarried friends, ie all of them, now considered our home the "hangout" spot. Again, there was always coffee going, I baked cupcakes, we had chips and pizza and donuts. It was a fun place to be. I still stuck to my tea.

One day, as if by some strange force in the universe, as my husband was enjoying his coffee, he asked me why I did not like coffee. I had told him this story before - I started it again with being young and mixing black coffee up with yummy hot chocolate and thinking it was the worst thing I had ever tasted (and my grandmother made a lot of liver!). I tried it once or twice since than and just did not like it.

He said "Let me make you a cup - will you try it?" As with most things I originally did not want to do or try that he mentions, I gave in and let him have his way.

But this was no cup of coffee that I had every tasted - it was good! WOW! What is this?! I asked him what was going on. He explained that after hearing that I had coffee just black, he made me a cup of regular coffee, or more specifically coffee like he drinks it - light and sweet, with blueberry creamer (or another creamer but for me he chose blueberry). I finished it, than, not being used to caffeine (I do not drink soda and drink decafinated tea), I Beavised out. For real. Tony laughed so hard. He still brings it up on occasion.

So I would have coffee that only he made, and usually only on Football Sundays. The caffeine rush was about all I could handle.

But then a weird thing happened. And stranger things from there on.

I started to like coffee. I still did not and still to this day do not drink it everyday. But my next step was going to Dunkin Donuts. I ordered Blueberry at first. I was working under the table at the time at a gym, so I would go to Dunkin Donuts. Then my coffee, I would drink it for my whole 5 hour night. Yes, I kept reheating it and reheating it, sometimes not even stirring it, sometimes drinking it cold.

After a few weeks of this, my co-workers began to ask me why I did not get fresh coffee? I told them mine was fine. We wound up getting a coffee pot for the office because there was no place close by and everyone wanted coffee once they saw mine, including my boss. By then I had discovered a store that sold Banana Bread Coffee and that was my new kick. So I brought, from The Coffee Beanery, a bag for home and a bag for work. I definitely go on kicks as far as flavors.

Then, I started wanting a fresh cup. But still it sat longer than a cup of coffee should sit. I think of it to this day and shudder!

My next find? Starbucks. The Holy Grail of coffee. Their regular coffee - no way. Their crazy half Italian half French named drinks and flavors took my coffee drinking to a whole other level. I was often late for work because the line in Starbucks takes forever especially when the person in front of you is ordering a Vente Mocha Frappachino no sugar, soy milk, extra whipped creme, and a shot of expresso plus caramel sauce and chocolate sauce. You get the idea. I always loved mocha. I think my first drink was their Peppermint Mocha. Yummy! But Starbucks coffee is not made to sit at all. And the cold coffee? When you let it sit for an hour or two or three, it not only looks gross but tastes gross.

I left that job. (It had nothing to do with the coffee). So I began having coffee every Sunday with my husband, I began trying new flavor at DD, Starbucks, and places like Quick Check and the 7-11. Not to mention the ridiculous array of creamers that take up a whole shelf in our refrigerator.

(picture 8 of these on the door and at least three more on a regular shelf. That is the Peppermint Mocha that I am into now) :)

The change was slowly happening. I wanted less cream and sugar. I wanted my coffee piping hot. I got used to the caffeine enough to at least have two cups, sometimes three. I was now a coffee certified coffee drinker.

I bored coffee stores everywhere with my tale of "I just started drinking coffee four months ago" My husband and I had a Cofeeversary one year later.

One day I was ill and asked for tea. Now, the way I drink my tea is, dip the bag for like 20 seconds and that is it. One teaspoon of honey, or a splash of milk and a teaspoon of sugar and I am good to go. Well my husband brought my tea up and it tasted funny. I asked him to come back upstairs. I asked him what he did different to my tea. He said nothing. It was not until he was making it in front of me one day that they mystery was solved. He dunked the tea bag in the boiling water and left it in about 20-30 seconds and took it out. I asked him what he was doing. He said "What?" I said "You did not leave the tea bag in long enough" To which he replied "You do not like it strong". I said "Well I let it sit a good 2-3 minutes now." The biggest smile I have ever seen graced his face that day. He began to explain to me that now, because I am a coffee drinker, I have changed my tea habits. I need something bold. Wow. That was freaky.

So here I am now, at 8pm drinking DD coffee for home. It went into the Keurig (a necessity that I also got teased for when I really got into coffee. No old coffee pot for me!). I have my Peppermint Mocha. I am on a peppermint kick that includes Mint Chocolate Chip iced cream from Cold Stone, Haagen Daaz, or as a last resort - Eddys. It consists of the creamer and the fact that I am not ready yet to change and swap out my Peppermint Mocha for say, Pumpkins Spice. Also I have been to Godiva. True I got there often. As soon as I walked in this week, the manager, who knows me well, said to the new girl, without me saying a word "Point that girl to the Peppermint Bark". She knew I had been waiting for it since last Christmas. It was glorious! And taste even better with the coffee I found out later on. I told her I was stocking up Peppermint Bark it soon because I was so upset after the holidays last year. In case you are interested, good peppermint bark is hard to find. I have a company I can fall back on but Godiva, I have loved since I was about 10. My best friend introduced me to it. Oh and besides the peppermint bark my excursion to Godiva left me with 12 mint batallions (THEY BROUGHT THEM BACK!! WOOPEE! I thought it was a dream at first) and two boxes of chocolate mint pearls. But enough about Godiva, that will be another story for another day.

So now we have come to the point where I wake up every morning and put the Kuerig on. A lot of times the coffee still sits. But I heat it up if appropriate or make a new cup.

Any excursion out of the house is always started by a coffee run. Sometimes on days where my husband goes out for an appointment and I stay home, he will hear me yell from upstairs as he opens the side door "Please bring back a large Mocha Caramel!"

It is funny how one person can open a new door for you. Yes this is a small door but not to small because it goes beyond coffee. It is about my relationship with my husband a little bit. I see my husband is watching the Giants game (which I am usually watching with him although I am a Steelers fan-we support each other's teams) I will pay attention to what he has been doing and just when I know he is about done with his coffee, I ask "Would you like another cup of coffee?" And I do it for him because he does so much for me. I want him to sit and enjoy his day off. He also makes me coffee and our trips to get coffee on their own, separate from where ever else we are going after that, are times to talk and bond. We make coffee in the summer and sit under the patio and just listen to the birds chirp and look at our backyard. And we talk. Or sometimes we don't.

(our patio and view is similar. Accept we have a long picnic table and those white patio chairs. Two benches for the picnic table, a grill, and some plants)

We also have what is called "It is time to go into Dunkin Donuts".

This stemmed from a day of running errands. My husband woke up in not the best mood, it usually does not but it affected my mood right away. We argued a little (which we rarely do). He pulled up to Dunkin Donuts and as I reached for the door handle, he grabbed my arm. He said "Let's go in and come back out and start the day over". I agreed of course. And it worked! It was like a fairy waved a want and made the whole day better. So whenever something is boiling to the surface, on of us will say to the other "I think you need to walk into Dunkin Donuts and come back out." It is a great tension breaker plus it makes us realize how silly we are being.

Coffee - the life blood of so many. Something I feel I missed out on all those years. But it is great now. In the grocery store my husband and I oooh and ahhh over all the new creamer flavors. We could be starving but there would be half and half, and creamers in the house.

Coffee was a wonderful discovery for me.

I love coffee because it is always there for me. To give me a little pick me up. I love the taste, and the smell. And I do love how it bring my husband and I close. Anything bad can be discussed over a cup of coffee. But so can many, many good things.

Friday - Quote of the Day

"There is a world out there, so new, so random and dissociated that it puts us all in danger. We talk on line, we "friend" each other when we don't know who we are really talking to - we fuck strangers. We mistake almost anything for a relationship, a community of sorts, and yet, when we are with our families, in our communities, we are clueless, we short-circuited and immediately dive back into the digitized version-it is easier because we can be both our true selves and our fantasy selves at once, with each carrying equal weight"

A.M. Homes - from her novel "May We Be Forgiven"

(Late) Quote of the Day

"Was this the big one or was this the small tremor, the warning? Does it get better-does the sensation of being in a dream underwater go away?"

A.M. Homes - May We Be Forgiven

A Description in Words and Pictures of a Migraine

A migraine is like a living breathing thing. It causes chaos for all involved. It is like a tornado sucking everything into it.

It starts with a craving for sweets. Which I eat and it makes me sick to my stomach. It starts as a headache, but I know my aura and I know a regular headache from a migraine on the way. The lights feel like someone turned the sun on in my room. Every little noise is not only amplified but sounds worse than nails on a chalkboard. And it may just be a bird chirping. To me it sounds like a prehistoric monster screeching. My nose it stuffed up. I feel like I am going to vomit and that feeling does not go away with all the crackers and ginger ale in the world. All my food tastes funny. Even though I can usually only have crackers and ginger ale. Any smell is multiplied 100 times. A heating up some plain chicken to me smells like tons of rotten eggs that have been left out in the sun to bake. And I am freezing cold.

They migraines are always right-sided. It feels like something is pressing from the inside of my head, like there is something in there trying to get out. The pressure in my head is unbelievable. I often lay on my right side with my hand under the pillow putting counter pressure on my right temple, which feels nice. But laying on your left helps nausea. Plus I hate having to turn over to spit in the garbage. Like when you get ready to vomit but it is just a lot of saliva. So I often go back and forth, gently, between laying on my right side and laying on my left side.

I feel like I really might seriously die. I can take a lot of pain. I can even have, on a scale of 1-10 (I have grown to hate that scale over the years) an 8 migraine and still function to where anyone would not really notice how sick I really am.

Back to positioning. You will usually find me on my left side, garbage close by, in the fetal position with crackers in a tupperware container on my bed. And a bottle of water and my can of ginger ale. The pain is all I can think about. It is not the pain of something quick like a needle, or if you whack your leg really hard on the corner of something. If the migraines did not come so often, maybe they would be easier to deal with. But no, I remember as if it were yesterday my very first migraine at the age of 13. All I had was aspirin back then. Today I have medication for my nausea, and pain killers. Sometimes they work, sometimes they do not. That has always been a mystery to me.

I have had migraines that last an hour or two and one's that have lasted days. The worst one lasting five days and I was hospitalized and all they could do was give me an intravenous push painkiller every four hours. (Intravenous push means the medication goes in slowly, over a period of many seconds. It is not a quick shot say like a flu shot)

I have been to tons of doctors. In different states. I have had more MRI's than I can count. I could probably not only set one up and perform it, but read you the results as well!

You know what I want to know. My why? Why me? I would not wish this on my worst enemy. It runs in the family. I literally want to scream when someone is talking and laughing in the bright light and say they have a migraine. They have no idea.

I once saw some art done by patients in a neurology unit where the artist portrayed a migraine in a picture. It was beautiful. It was exactly, on canvas, a migraine. One inparticular was my favorite. But the other pieces were just as good at portraying a migraine and how it feels. And how it made them feel. But my favorite one I have etched in my memory. I wish I had it to show you.

I would like to try it. To represent my migraine as art. Accept it is hard to remember, to a degree, how bad it was when you start to feel better. I guess I would have to paint when I was sick. But how would that work? I cannot even lift my head.

I lay there and pray to God for the pain to stop. I take my medicine and wait. And wait. And wait. An hour goes by. It has not eased up. I cannot take it. I would cry but that only makes it worse. I am curled up in bed with the television on very low. I have a sleep mask on to shut out the light. And the volume really low on the television. I need it on though because the silence, when you are in pain, is deafening. At least the television fills in the thought train of "this hurts, this hurts, this hurts, I am going to throw up, this hurts, why won't it ease up, when did I take my medication, this hurts."

My husband comes in to check on me when he is home and I have a migraine. He rubs my head gently. He rubs my shoulders and back. Just the motion gets my mind off of how sick I am and how much pain I am in. But of course an arm gets tired after a while. But when that happens, I get an apology, which is silly and I tell him so, and then I get a "magic kiss" on my forehead that I now associate with Tony having a innate understanding of Reiki. As he puts his lips to my forehead, I can feel him breathing in the pain, to take on as his own, while at the same time filling me with good thoughts and good energy.

(pretty accurate depiction but my eyes are closed and I am on my side)

Another hour goes by. I wonder how long this migraine is going to last. I want to take my head off my body. Everything makes me mad. I do not want anything touching me, sometimes not even my husband for rubs. I wonder how long this is going to last and if one extra pain pills will help. Although it, again, sometimes does and sometimes does not. I need to go to the Emergency Room. However, that is a roll of the dice.

An emergency room visit can go one of two ways. You can get a jerk of a doctor who thinks you are medication seeking, or a junkie, or just does not believe in giving narcotics for migraines in general so he gives me an anti-inflammatory. It does not help. The give me another shot of the same. Still, no help. They say they do not want to give me anything else and let me go, with hours wasted in a cold, hard waiting room. In a cold, bright, and noisy emergency unit. I ALWAYS have the person next to me a. puking, b. crying for help, c. screaming for no reason, d. or talking way to loud and it seems like in too good of a mood to be in the Emergency Room. Again, any noise-nails on the chalkboard times 100. I wish I had stayed at home.

Scenario two goes like this. The doctor is nice. He or she understands I have a history of migraines. Understands when I tell him or her what does and does not work for me. Dilaudid, a powerful narcotic right into the IV is ordered. Then the wait for the nurse. It takes an eternity. When she comes in I thank God that relief is on its way. The nurse opens up an alcohol pad to swab my IV port. They always give you an IV because with being nauseous, you tend to be dehydrated which makes the migraine worse. The alcohol always smells good, the only thing that does to me at this point, because I believe I have associated it with the shot that brings relief. She puts the needle in the port and does what is called an IV or intravenous push which is pushing the medication slowly over many seconds, unlike a flu shot that is quick. A lot of IV medications are IV push. The principle being that it does not wham you all at once. I wait less then a minute. Then sweet relief. My whole body relaxes and I feel like I am floating. I try to talk to Tony he tells me to close my eyes and let the medication work. That is the ideal. And I do. And I thank God.

There are those times where you need two shots. The migraine may come down from an 8 or 9 on the 1-10 scale, to a 6. But still, I do not want to go home with a 6. A second shot is always good and helps get me down to maybe a 5 or a 4 if I am lucky. And then, if you get a nice doctor, he will give you a prescription for pain medication to take at home.

This is a war I have been loosing for almost 30 years. I have won some small battles but the migraine is the winner of the war.

It would be a good form of torture or punishment for anyone who has committed a crime. I can guarantee if you can induce migraines in criminals, they may turn their lives around. It is one of the worse forms of torture, and it is torture, that I can think of. Okay not the worst, but if you have one, you know what I am talking about and it ranks up there.

I am happy and feel blessed for everyday I do not have a migraine. I have found a lot of non pharmaceutical methods that have worked such as Reiki, acupuncture, massage, and yoga. I do these as much as I can. But the migraines still come. It is like knowing your enemy, and being prepared, but you can never win against this enemy. I will be fighting him the rest of my life.